I write about mental health. I write about stress, making mistakes and trying to hold center when everything starts to spin around you like a tornado. It is hard to hold center, to remain calm when the people in your head are bailing non-existent water, planning elaborate escape routes, and are what-ifing you to death. It is important to be prepared but to obsess about what if before the IF happens much less have a plan A, B, C, D is not good. I try to stick with a solid plan A and a half assed plan B but sometimes my brain wants to do the alphabet song in emergency preparedness in a very bad way. The cognitive gymnastics to problem solve real problems much less the fictional problems is exhausting and can lead to hours and sometimes days down a deep warren of rabbit holes that go nowhere.

There are many tools I use to try to pull myself back and put things into perspective and recently I needed to pull the big guns out, no not medication though that helped in my early days of taming my brain. No, these big guns were more along the line of finding a good TV series to sooth me and give me some respite from drama, worry, and those rabbit holes. I have a must watch list of movies and shows, that others have recommended, for when I want to mix it up or disappear into something quick without endless scrolling. I perused my list and found the series Veronica Mars. I had heard about it for years. I thought it would be perfect.

What I needed Veronica for was to have a few hours in the evening to forget that I might be losing a dependable source of income from teaching a university class that I have taught since 2014 . The class was struggling to get students enrolled and was on its way to being cancelled. I had done all I could do, the folks tasked with filling the class were trying their best. My other class was healthy and fine but losing that large chunk of change from the loss of this class would leave a mark. That mark being a loss of digits in my checking account. I was stressed on top of other stressors, so I turned to my first love: stories, in the form of books, TV, movies and in bad times something serialized to carry me through. During the early days of Covid that was the Great British Baking Show and Schitt’s Creek. In my younger days, it was Starsky and Hutch, Berretta, Hill Street Blues, West Wing, ER and later The Office, Parks and Rec, The Good Place, etc. The act of sliding into a character’s life, drama, redemption, conundrum where problems are solved somewhere between 22 and 49 minutes is soothing like a cool bath on a hot day. 

The camaraderie I feel hanging out with known characters, fictional co-workers and friends provides ease, distraction and laugher where there has been none before tuning in. I jumped into Veronica Mars knowing it had an avid fan base who later funded a Veronica movie. I knew it was a teenage detective type of situation maybe with shades of noir which all sounded great. Between the early 2000’s fashion, the San Diego location of the shoot—a place I lived for very long time—and the fabulous banter circa 1930/40’s screwball comedy and noir, I was sucked into the series faster than a circus tent religion.

Hanging out with Veronica gave me a mental break during the day and I looked forward to the characters shenanigans and the will they/won’t they mystery of all sitcoms with a romantic plot line. It balanced the frenetic emails and last-ditch effort to save an orphaned class and waiting for the death sentence. Sometimes when I am waiting for an outcome that is out of my control, I need to find things that are in my control to sooth, to give me perspective. Focusing on things I can control, making sure I am getting sleep, eating healthy, moving my body, writing or journaling, spending time in nature and with friend are all things can do that help steady myself. That also means trying to use my critical thinking skills rather than panic, and the mental vacation I got nightly let me do that. It helped me to find solutions for my Plan A, and half assed B for if and when that axe came down. 

I am not a patient person so waiting for something to unravel is hard especially when I don’t have the control to pull the plug. This class was saved last minute last semester and I was told it was unlikely that would ever happen again. Sometimes my lack of patience moves me to jump the gun and create an ending faster than is warranted or sensible. Knowing when to leave, when to end things is important but not always clear. In instances where there is no clarity or we don’t have control of the outcome, learning how to let things go, witness what is going on or live with uncomfortable feelings can lead to growth and/or a new skill. Surprises you don’t see coming emerge in that waiting. 

To ease the waiting process, I plugged into Veronica to watch a precocious wise cracking teenage girl exude a hard-boiled detective and cranky teen demeanor while solving case after case with snark, creativity and middle finger to the people in power that did bad things. And yes, the parallels and the irony in that synopsis is not lost on me.  Add to that coincidence, the season when Veronica graduates and goes to college, she was on the very campus where I teach. I had no idea until I watched the show, and it was bittersweet. 

Distraction in short doses is a reprieve and a good tool, however distraction as the only tool and a way of life is a disaster. As an example, using distraction in short doses by reading a great book, meet a friend for coffee interrupts the negative thought pattern and rumination. When I am spinning finding soothing activities unhinges my amygdala, my lizard brain that only offers me a menu of Fight, Flight, or Freeze. Finding things to distract it, to make it let go of the panic, helps slow down and stop the catastrophizing, the rabbit holes of worry and come back to the knowledge that everything can and will be figured out, that this is just another bump in a very long road of life. 

Spending time focused on Veronica’s drama gave me perspective and a bit of humor and calmed my busy brain. Having a break from my own dramas helped me remember that I can pivot, that I have tools and resources, that the loss of income can be fixed, I have done it before and can again. Recognizing my situation as a fork in the road that I did not see coming is like all good plot lines: the main character can’t see the big picture while it is unfolding.  Looking back, we see that a little past all that drama there is growth for the character, a reveal of the solution that makes the drama, the dilemma inevitable.  We wonder how the character, and us because we are all the star of our story, can’t see that this problem was just another chapter in a long story, remembering there will always be drama, wins and losses, struggle and redemption. We are all on what Joseph Campbell termed “A Hero’s Journey” each of us creating our story as we move through our adventure. Sometimes it is okay to stop, take a break and tune into someone else’s story like a precocious wise cracking teenage girl exuding a hard-boiled detective and cranky teen demeanor while solving case after case with snark, creativity and middle finger to the people in power. Hanging out in someone else’s story for a little bit to take a breath, regroup, have a little laugh and gives us a rest and can make it easier pick ourselves up again and get back out there on our own road of adventure. 

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