It is not unusual for me to wake up and say a little prayer of thanks that I am on the right side of the dirt. I think about my day and am grateful for the chance to do it all over again in a Happy Ground Hog Day moment. There are other days I think, really, what is the point, where am I going? I can hear the giant hamster wheel of life squeaking in my head and heart. Those are the days where I need to dig deep and try to remember where I am going and who I am. Not in a fifth of scotch way but in an existential what does it all mean way. 

Step one is always stumble out of the bed try to give a little stretch if not find caffeine and come to the blank page to write. When we explore our thoughts by writing or by talking things out with others, we engage parts of our brain using language and problem solving in a very different way than just thinking provides. When we are thinking in circles and ruminating it only leads us down worn tracks of the neuropathways that we use over and over to confirm our biases. By talking it out and/or writing we experience the phenomenon where someone asks us what we think about something we have longed mulled over but what comes out of our mouth is a surprise to us. In those moments we are not stuck in worn brain grooves but rather exploring new territory. We problem solve well in conversation and in writing where we engage other parts of ourselves, bringing more of the body and brain to the party as well as other’s insights. 

Coming to the page for me reminds me what I love, what I hate, what matters to me and who matters to me. It reminds me that I don’t have a map to where I am going so much as I am hunting and pecking for my way forward, like I do with the keys when caffeine is high, and my spidery fingers are flying on the keyboard.  The angle of me, of you, of all of us is off center and unique. The singularity of being human in a community of connectedness is that we are all in struggle, in transit, in joyful discovery and soul emptying loss. We do this wandering together in a parallel play for most of our lives but in our most shining moments we deeply connect, love, share,  discover and create. 

For me, the page is my canvas for exploration. For others, it is other forms of art: the field of athletics, the nurturing of children, gardens, and critters. Some folks are drawn to the teasing out and problem solving of big and little questions. Each of us has places we come to find our self again, to find meaning again. It can be houses of worship, a dinner table with those we love, a quiet walk in a familiar wood, lacing up sneakers for a run. We all have touch stones to come back to self, to ask those big questions, where am I going, who am I? What matters to me? 

Pay attention to the places that make you feel calm, places that let your mind wander over big and little questions. Places that set you right in your skin and lighten your step. Make sure you put yourself in those spaces regularly like you brush your teeth, get dressed in the morning. Prioritize building these things into your schedule as you would any obligation to others, but this obligation is to you. Taking time to think about who you are and where you are going in an honest, real way allows you to chart your way into a life, a daily life that is balanced, that feeds you instead of depleting you. 

To go anywhere we have not been we need to put two pieces of data into a navigation system to get to our destination. The first is where we are going. We have to know in general where we want to end up, i.e., a store. We don’t have to know what parking space at the store we are going to, but we have to know where the store is. The other piece of data we need to enter is where we are, not where we think we should be, or where a “better version” of ourself is. You would never put that kind of fiction in a navigation system. Imagine using the house you hoped you would be living in as your starting point: it wouldn’t work. So, why do we do that when making life decisions? If we want to go somewhere in life, we have to be honest in knowing where and who we are and roughly where we want to go. We have to tell the truth to ourselves, but our brain is good at making us believe things that are not true. It tries to protect us from perceived danger, even if that perceived danger is a roller coaster, a side hustle as an artist, telling someone we are sorry or that we love them. Being uncomfortable and failing are not danger they are growth.

By going to your page, your spot and being, or talking to someone you can find your way past the scary, the confused, the road blocks you might have put up in your head, so you don’t get hurt, don’t fail, don’t embarrass yourself. Only when we are vulnerable is when we know we are in growth, we are learning, we are extending out past comfort zone to the next place in the road for us. Making sure that we are not lying to ourselves and pushing past what we think we can do to where we want to be but are scared to go. That is what those pages, runs, and forest walks let us explore in deep conversation with our selves first and then others the reality of our desires. 

Sometimes we find our places and playgrounds where we puzzle this all out as children. Other times we find them later in life, these spaces can change and shape our lives if we remember to use them and forget our To Do’s, external expectations, the fiction of fitting in and denying our light, passion and purpose. That coming to whatever is your page, playground and finding your purpose and meaning to get out of bed those cold dark mornings is the best tool in your tool box of life. Don’t put away those childhood dreams, set them ablaze with passion and get out there to make a life that fits you rather than the other way around!

To learn more about my Coaching practice and book a free sample session go to trueroadtraveler@com or send me a note at trueroadtraveler@gmail.com

To read more of my work or subscribe to this blog go to quirkandcircumstances.com or https://medium.com/@pearhater4rl

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