We are obsessed with the new: the new fall fashions, new job, new technology, new possibilities and starting a New Year. Having that clean slate to start again allows us to embrace the possibilities of what if in a good way. We are good at the what if in a catastrophizing way: what if I get a bad review at work, then I lose my job, my house, my spouse leaves, and last shot you are living on the side of the train tracks in a dark made up scenario of stress. We use the what if scenarios that everything goes well but why do we only do this with New Year’s? 

I am proposing using that same optimism far more often. Where each day is a mini version of our New Year and we start with that same clean slate; A palette of what if everything went well, better than expected. Where we shift our mind set to what if today is a new adventure. Where I can test, practice, try and have the most fun I can where I am with whoever I am with? Where I can try my best, I can relax into my life and be here now, or even just really enjoy my sandwich. 

Appreciating small moments we string together can make for a wonderful life. We have the ability to stop waiting for retirement, vacation, the weekend for things to get good. We can dig into the everyday and find the wonder. Having sat at a couple of deathbeds of loved ones, I can guarantee you that at the end of our lives we won’t think I should have worked longer hours, made more money, been thinner, had more muscle tone, had a better house, garden, car, spouse. We look back at what we didn’t do and regret those things, not the small annoyances and unmet fictional expectations we held for ourselves and other. Then there are the times we are the problem creating those bad what ifs, telling ourselves scary stories instead of just being there and figuring it out, sitting in the discomfort of not knowing, embracing the struggle. Maybe not trusting that odd calm we felt and instead interpreting it as waiting for that other shoe to drop, that bad things are coming. Mistakenly thinking that worry is preventative only prevents gratitude and happiness. We forget the other side of the what if coin is what if things go better than I ever imagined. 

Our brain has a negative bias for things that might be dangerous to keep us alive but since we are not worrying about saber tooth tigers, we worry about smaller things then ruminate on them and make them bigger. We also have the ability to flip that script with some mindfulness. What that means is taking advantage of how elastic and pliable our brains are. Looking at what could go right, what is good, finding the positive, the wonderful, the interesting every day all day creates pockets of gratitude. Doing this retrains our brains. We can use the what if game for what if I took that leap and started sending my writing in to magazines, what if I interviewed for that top job, what if I said hello to that person at work that I like and have been staring at for six months and what if everything went well?

We can use each morning as a new day, a new chance to try things, to dream, to begin working out, to learn something new. Studies show us that when we age, if we continue to challenge ourselves and learn we will age better and have better long term mental and physical outcomes. When we open ourselves up to being uncomfortable and take chances, learning something or putting ourselves in new situations our brain works harder, builds confidence, makes us resilient and happier. 

If your first thought is about what could go wrong keep it short and logical in your analysis: not catastrophizing and only working with real world data. Then think of all the ways the situation could go right and analyze those to take advantage of weighing out the data. Use your critical thinking skills to assess big risks making sure you assess both positive with the negative. You don’t have to do this for ordering a coffee, but you might for choosing a partner in life.

If I expect good things to happen, to meet great people, to have fun my brain goes in search and finds things to confirm my bias. If, however I think everything is going wrong, I am inept, the world is a dangerous place my brain will find all the supporting evidence of those truths. The world is always all those things, so what I expect I will see. To balance the negative bias our brain holds requires us to introduce a practice of using the spirit of what if as the possibility of something wonderful happening. This helps switch our behaviors to that belief and open our eyes to those unseen good fortunes. 

This practice of expecting good helps us not live in a Ground Hog situation where we are waiting for the weekend, vacation, retirement, or when I … fill in that blank when we think things will be different or better. This waiting our lives away for when we think things will be different/better is a waste when in fact each morning, we have the power and the ability to do just that. Every day we have the ability to consider what if everything goes better than I ever imagined. It’s a powerful tool in your toolbox of life to curate, engage and actively pursue things that matter to you. That is called living a good life and it can start now. 

To learn more about my Coaching practice and book a free sample session go to trueroadtraveler@com or send me a note at trueroadtraveler@gmail.com

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