When someone asks me “how I am?” I freeze like a deer in the headlights. I never noticed this till the other day when I was wandering around downtown and I heard a wolf whistle. At first it didn’t register and then it didn’t sink in that it was aimed at me. Not that I am not a vision of all that is lovely at 6 1”, with crazy dandelion styled copper hair and a body that would make a burlesque queen blush. I am. But at the time I was in slub mode, both internally and externally, which translates to ripped-up denim shorts, an old tee and a pair of sandals that should be condemned. I had my camera in my bag and was in search of inspiration, answers, solace and a break from the crazy that was pms bubbling over. So yea, the wolf whistle didn’t land until I looked up at the direction where it came from and then it did. There was an old friend with a smile on her face and the light of mischief in her eyes. I can tell you there is no better sight than that.
There are things that instantly buoy my mood, a note from Layne or Tony, making John laugh, a talk with Marsue, Chris or watching Greg do a wind up to a punch line that gets me laughing before he speaks it. These are things I forget till they happen, thankfully for me that is often. So when my mirage a la Cindy asked “how I was?” I didn’t know what to say. I was in a funk due to just everyday stuff and too much estrogen but then she whistled and I saw that look of glee she had at my reaction and everything felt better. She was well, happy and calm all the things I was not feeling until I saw her. Then I was. These are the snapshots we share. Take a shot of where I was just prior to the whistle and it is fuzzy, chaotic, a little dark, ugly and bloated. Then the light changes as someone smiles at me with recognition of truly seeing me, being happy at that sight and the picture brightens, lightens and smooth’s out. The exposure changes everything.
“How I am doing” is a snapshot of a moment, sometimes like in this case that moment is a transition. So words fail, I am looking at the view out of a train window in the rain. There is color, movement, feeling and then we stop. My answers unfortunately never reflect that. They are more like I just got up from a nap, startled, confused at just waking from the noise of my head, to see someone waiting. If I am lucky it is someone kind, funny or thoughtful, if not, I just blink and give the usual answer, “so far so good.” That is how I judge any day, any moment, in as honest and concise way possible. In the other instances at the sight of a friend I manage to give some details of where I was and not sound too out of it at my landing in a new spot thanks to them. In reality I am reeling and not till I walk away do I give thanks to the Universe and to them for being at just the right place at the right time. You might think ‘oh yeah it’s all about her’, well yes that is true. But it is all about you too, as it should be.
We are our frame of reference, filter, modality, brokenness; a vehicle to experience what there is on this little blue-green planet. Our experience, our truth is based on what we see and how we feel about what and who is around us. Each moment is significant but the whole is much more than its parts. Recognizing the transitions for what they are and the people in them with us gives us context. Like those flip books with cartoons in them, one shot at a time it is static detail of a moment, when you add the grace of a thumb sliding over the pages it comes to life and has meaning.